I picked up my son from school last month and a boy crossed the street in front of us. My son told me the boy’s name and said that he was crazy—that he was in trouble at school a lot. My first instinct was to tell my son that he shouldn’t judge this boy because we had no idea what was going on in his life. I told him that kids with serious troubles usually have bad things going on at home; their parents could beat them, use drugs or be drunk all the time. I told him that this kid may be on his own at home, barely finding something to eat or hiding from an abusive parent. Homework and other responsibilities get pushed aside when trying to survive. I told him to stop and think about that every time he crosses paths with a troubled child and maybe give them a kind word if the chance presents itself. Empathy–that is what these kids need.
I recently watched a movie, 3 Américas, about a teenage girl named América who was abused for years. By the age of 16, she demonstrated typical behaviors of abused children: angry outbursts, depression, shoplifting, smoking, and a general disinterest in anything. América had these big, beautiful eyes which sadly mirrored every moment of torment in her short life; this torment a cinder block in her already heavy backpack.
I read that some viewers didn’t like her and thought her to be just another teenager with a bad attitude. I didn’t get this impression at all because I recognized the signs in her obstinate behavior. Many years of reading and just living in this world have taught me that bad behavior is rarely just that—there is almost always some messy deep-seated cause for it.
The writer of this film was very subtle with the abuse, with more showing and less telling. As a viewer you had to look into the eyes of America to see the truth. The sad truth is that the people who didn’t like this girl fell into the group of viewers who have to be “told” what to think, unable to see deeper. This falls in line with thinking that some kids are just bad; unredeemable.
I have picked up tiny cues from my son that his thinking has changed a bit. This makes me happy. Is there anything more than important that teaching your children to have empathy for other people, other kids; to look past an exterior battered by circumstance and see the person inside?
~ 3 Américas is an independent film by Cristina Kotz Cornejo. It is available at Amazon and Netflix. It is great story about a troubled American girl in Argentina and her Argentine Grandmother who will not give up on her.
Sounds like a film to see.
It is so rewarding as a parent to see that your children grow by your influence in their lives. I pray for all those who read this that they make a difference in the lives they touch.
This is a beautiful post! I’m going through similar things with my son now… It’s quite a challenge to find the words that will resonate with our kids, isn’t it! Have a beautiful weekend 🙂
Excellent post..thanks for sharing your thoughts.. Children need love and time, that’s all. But …. in the consumerist societies of the West we think giving them things is the answer…it is not.