Isolation by Karen S Thompson
Last fall I noticed several articles about how living an isolated life can affect a person’s mental acuity. I was concerned because I started to notice that my mind seemed addled and at times confused. Reading these articles I realized that I have been isolating myself from the world. I rarely left the house and tended to spend most of my time along in my room. The internet was my source of the outside world.
I lived an isolated life for many years, but about 5 years ago I returned to college and just being with other people added so much sunshine to my life. I enjoyed the intellectual discussions with my instructors and classmates. I felt so confident. I started communicating with old friends on Facebook and life was good.
Towards the end of my schooling, I had reoccurring health problems that really made the last year very difficult. I struggled but finished a year later than I had planned. I found myself closing ranks, battening down the hatches, unfriending all my old friends, and I stopped writing in my blog because I was afraid my “crazy” was going to come out in my writing.
I was utterly humiliated that I had returned to a life of isolation and depression. I didn’t want anyone to know that I spent most of my time sleeping and reading the news online. I had my degree (finally!) and no more excuses. Why didn’t I have a job? Why am I still living with my parents? Deep inside I believe I am a person who could be doing great things, but I feel like I’m wearing a fat suit. I can’t breathe and I can’t get the heaviness off me.
So I’m hunkered down, going out once a week to see my counselor. She gives me tasks to do each week and tells me that I shouldn’t care what other people think of me. It has been difficult. For years I hid the fact that my life was mired in depression, anxiety and extreme fatigue. My hair was done and my makeup perfect. My family and friends had no idea until I moved in with my parents after my divorce. All I could think was “Everybody Knows!”
I am working on getting past this and know that I can turn things around. It’s all up to me.
Searching For Enlightenment 
I wish you well on this journey back out. I know these changes can be so difficult to make, but . . . the little steps are the ones that pave the way for the unimaginably big moments down the road. (In my experience, anyway!)
Thank you for your comments, Deborah. I’m concentrating on small task to help me move forward. I have hope which is all you really need.
Liza
Hi, Liza, Thank you so much for sharing this, because I can relate to it deeply!
I hope it’s okay to share a nutshell version of what I’ve been trying… Please note that I’m not at all preaching here, because I don’t feel I’ve found the answer. I’m just hoping that it might help you to hear that you’re not alone (because your post fiurther reminds me that I’m not alone). 🙂
The past 5 years for me have been filled with change and stress, with a wide range of emotions and perceptions related to them. I often feel overwhelmed and the next thing I know, I’ve shut down. About 9 months ago I moved to a new city, with no physical friends or family nearby. I noticed after a month or two that I was living through distant realtionships, and felt somehow guilty about that. So I pulled back from those, spent some time refelcting and trying to “figure it out”. Then, with the New Year, I decided to make genuine effort to meet “live” people here in Jacksonville. While that’s going well, obviously these new friends are quite different from my other friends, and I have continued to feel a hollow box inside. So, a few days ago I decided to simply make the effort to revive my online relationships. I’m not sure how to describe my attitude towards it… On the one hand, I feel overwhelmed about wondering how I will find the time to do it all. On the other hand, I feel like it’s vital that I approach it like an alcoholic staying clean or a person dealing with depression: Just gotta keep it on the road, no matter what. Read and comment and post, no matter if I “feel” like doing it. Answer the emails. Find the time. Now, I’ve only been doing this for a week, and the familiar box is still in my gut, and I still sit here alone on a Saturday morning wondering if there is something “more importnat” that I should be doing, but the box feels much less hollow, and I’m very reviatlized to be in touch with familair loved ones.
I wish you much happiness on your journey, and thank you again for sharing!
(I hope you don’t mind – I think I’m going to mke a post about this… thank you!)
Namaste,
Leslee
Hi Leslee, Thank you for your comments. I am working on breaking things down into small tasks to keep myself from being overwhelmed. I appreciate you taking the time to share your experiences.
Liza Bennett
best wishes, dear!
Liza,
I am so glad that I found you when you were on your way back and did not find your blog while you were still away! Because…. lately, as I have wandered around… I have found some of the BEST blogs by writers that haven’t written for a few years!
I have found that writing is the best therapy NEVER feel intimidated. Most writers and readers that I have bonded with here are my greatest support system! There is something about putting our feelings into words that connects us!
I am following! And am always here to talk!
Will be praying for you!
xoxo
k
Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. I appreciate it so much.